B O D Y- [my name is]: as of aug 25, it's Sha Alemu Mekebeb
[in the morning I am]: stilll at work, holding shit down at the 211. i dont get off until 8:30am.
[all I need is]: carols daughter tui hair oil. its how i want to smell all the time, sweet earthy, and a little like candy.
[love is]: really great, i recommend everybody use it.
[I'm afraid of]: those green flying beetles. they dive right for your head.
[I dream about]: meeting the family in ethiopia

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes]: smoked cloves in high school, but nothing since.
[could you live without the computer?]: I could but wouldn't want to
[what's your favourite food?]: Harar's number 17, green beans and carrots.
[what's your favourite fruit?]: cherries
[drink alcohol?]: im a social drinker
[smoke weed?]: not on the regular. i think ive smoked maybe 5 times in my life. the last two times were in africa, and i nearly passed out. ask me about it some time.
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: im not so nature-y, but if with the husband, i enjoy.
[trust others way too easily?]: yes... let one friend run up a $600 cell phone bill. i aint mad at her, she's irresponsible like that and i shouldve known. she doesnt talk to me anymore, b/c i slept w/her co-worker. oops, guess im the irresponsible one now!

W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[coke or Pepsi} : i dont generally drink soda, but if pressed, pepsi.
[flowers or candy]: neither. i'd like a nice msg on my machine when i get home, or a note, those are nice.
[tall or short]: i thought i was only about the tall until i met my husband.

-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: eyebrows.
[dream boy/girlfriend]: the one i married

-W H O-
[makes you laugh the most?]: kanesha
[makes you smile]: my godson Akaio
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: tewodros
[has a crush on you?]: burtson
[do you find easiest to talk to]: strangers

D O. Y O U .E V E R-
[hate] white people, every fucking day.
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you?]: nah
[save aol/aim conversations]: i have once or twice.
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: not since jr high school

W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: the husband
[hugged]: momma [you instant messaged]: szymon.
[you laughed with]: sandra g.

-D O .Y O U-
[color your hair]: sometimes. i like cherry red, pink, and black.
[ever get off the damn computer]: forget you!
[habla espanol]: si, pero un poco solomente

-N U M B E R-
[of times I have had my heart broken?]: oh god, i hate that rat-bastard to this day!!!!!!!!!!! just kidding...
[of hearts I have broken?]: ooohh.. im feeling hated on...
[of times u had sex this week]: nona.
[of boys I have kissed?]: *pish* like 100?
[of girls I have kissed?]: no... never... ever... not that theres anything wrong with that, but hey... i know who i am.
[of drugs taken illegally?]: does weed count? if so, 1.
[of cd's that i own?]: *pish* like 100?
[of scars on my body?]: none, im flawless
[of things in my past that i regret?]: 5 things a day, everyday, for the last 29 years.

roshini.net

my favorite new website is www.roshini.net. It’s her hair journal that I found completely by accident, I was probably doing a google image search on something hair related. I look at hair pictures a lot, they inspire me. To what, im not sure, b/c I know I’ll never put a chemical relaxer in my hair again, I only did 4 years of that nonsense and it was enough. I look up pictures of locks a lot b/c I miss mine. Every picture I see, every person I see them with, I think to myself, “my locks was tougher than that.” Is that bad? I look at natural hair style pictures, trying to bide my time and have patience as my hair grows. I had locks for 7 years, and then I cut them off. A month later, I shaved my head completely. It’s a year later, I have a mad afro now, and im looking forward to them cute Bantu knots (which I first wore in 1994 by the way, youngsters).

i have a heterosexual crush on roshini, I aspire to be like her. She is black, around my age, natural hair. She’s cute and funny and strives to better herself in all ways. she battles w/depression and was medicated for a couple of years. i dont know if she still is. i am, but i dont take the pills regularly as i should. She’s struggling with traction alopecia (goddamned headwraps. I knew deep down wearing them heavy locks w/cloth everyday wasn’t good for me, but you couldn’t tell me nothing back then, I thought I was too cute). I think im going to start using some of her journal topics to do my own too, write about my goals, etc. I write about sex too much. Do too many stupid surveys.

These are supposedly 26 questions that no one would ever think to ask.

i deleted the boring ones.

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?- whatever it was that made me go look in the mirror in the first place. its usually my wrap or my hair.

2. How much cash do you have on you?- $1.68 in change

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?- icles... now do you understand why i was in GATE? ;) <--ha, thats my cousins answer!!

4. Favorite flower?- im not much for flowers. daisies are pretty.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?- burtson. he's in deep like with me, he's also missed calls number 3 and 5.

6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?- 1 thing by amerie

7. What shirt are you wearing?- brown nina simone t shirt. oh nina... i love her...

8. Do you "label" yourself?- uh... maybe? b/c i do say that i am a proud pinay african.

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?- c'mon now.. i'm filipino and have cream colored carpet. do you really think i'm wearin shoes in the house?<--- ha, thats my stupid cousin! but she's right, if im even wearing shoes, they're tsnilas!

10. Bright or Dark Room?-for what occasion/event? if i'm sleeping i prefer it dark

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?- she's my favorite cousin

12. Ever "spilled the beans"?- i outed a girlfriend once. biggest regret of my life, b/c i had no business telling her business. if she ever reads this:Dee, im sorry.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?- sleeping. usually working, i work the graveyard shift. sunlight hurts my eyes.

15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?- only tasteful looking porn.

17. Who told you they loved you last?- jelani, and i wish he'd stop.

19. Your worst enemy?- auhmmm... i dont think i have one. or if i do, ive just let on that im not prepared, and now my enemy will kill me.

23 What is your current desktop picture?- makola market in accra, ghana.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?- (to the husband) are you home, pare?

msg-ing w/nisha

this aint nothing, just think its kind of funny. casual conversations w/friends... they're nice.

a: them studio traffic fuckers are bullshit . . .i just tried diligently to register 5 goddamned times, girl! i'm pissed.
a: they fuckin suck sooo much assss.. . .
a: so, how's YOUR nighta: dude, u sleep?
a: *snnnngggggg*
a: that's the sound of your snore . . .
a: loooool
b: hooka
b: i was on a call
a: oooooooooh, doin' some work, ehhhh?
a: wow
b: why couldnt you register?
a: cuz, they damn server is 'down'
a: bastards
a: anyhoooo
b: lets go see "friends and lovers"
a: they say you can make $ (0.10) per day for free . . .
b: you can, b/c they start you w/an account of $10 for free
a: . . . this is with the free membership, of course. they said u can make up to 150 dollars/day too
a: u read that too, right?
b: yes
a: shit just sounds way too damned good to be true . . .
a: and they say they advertise for advertisers for free?!?!?!
a: huh?
b: im going to try it, and hope for good lucky things.
b: no, is that true?
a: what kinda shady tree business is this?
b: nah, man, advertisers must pay to put thier ads up.
b: they must.
a: i remember u saying the other night that u needed 1,000 to start. . . don't sound like it to me.
a: and yes, they say on the site that advertisers advertise for free
a: they say you can be and advertiser and member for free if you so chose
b: i didnt say you needed 1000
b: we talked abou tthe possibilities if you start w/1000
a: no, u said that u needed 1,000 to be with them, to start with them
b: i did NOT.
b: see you dont listen
a: well, what are they cause it seems to me that giving them that money would be a waist
b: is that anything like a waste?
b: b/c my waist is right by my hips.
a: dude, u DID, cause i was gonna ask u why u thought u needed that, but i didn't feel like asking after u thought about it . . . .
a: waste
a: u know what i meant . . .damn, i didn't even catch that one
a: usually, i catch them all . . .
a: hmmmpfa: anyhoo. . . .
a: reading?
a: ok, respond.
b: dude!
a: lemme have it sister
b: im on the phone here!
b: with ruben. ha!
a: get outta here
a: like u doin' some work . . .
a: i'm tellin' . . .
a: lol
a: hey, i'm outta here . . .
b: no wait
a: tell ruben: WASSUP!!!!!
a: holla
b: he said hi
a: cool
a: and yeah, when does that movie start?
a: this weekend?
a: if so, where?
a: who's in it?
b: his aim name is mnkbone42
a: um . . . .
b: youre driving me nuts, can you wait a doggone minute?!
a: cool, but i'm finna hit the sack . . .
a: night , night kids.
b: you there still?
b: friends and lovers is a play, it'll be at spreckles. i only want to see it b/c LEON is in it.
b: girl, LEON.
b: i love him. he's fine as hell.

• 02. Elaborate on your primary photo.It's me holding my godson Akaio at 3 months old. i have 8 godchildren, he's the newest (and the cutest... shhhh...)
• 03. Who introduced myspace to you?Pina Nicolatta Coleslaw "I knew a girl named nikki" i love her more than any other red head white girl i know.
• 04. How many comments do you have?a bunch. i like them. they make me whole.
• 05. What's your current relationship status?locked down and loving it.
• 06. What are you wearing right now?are you trying to seduce me? i told you im not available!
• 07. What is your current problem?right now its you, sucka!
• 08. What are you doing right now?working the graveyard at the good ol' 211. Go Infoline!!
• 09.What do you hate most?sandra g.'s profile. it has too many videos on it. change it already, mang.
• 10. What do you love most?sex. uhm, i mean, friends and family!
• 11. What makes you happy?sitting roundtable w/friends at harar ethiopian restaurant on el cajon blvd, eating the vegetarian plate, laughing, sipping vino, eating gursha w/Pare.
• 12. Are you musically inclined?im a diva songstress in the car by myself, where i yell out punk rock, or rap like MC Sha-Diggity. i can play shekere. i like to drum, tho im not so good at it. ive always wanted to play the saxaphone. if you know of anyone who'll give me lessons for cheap, i'd love some contact info.
• 13. How many of your "myspace friends" do you know?99% of them. they are all people i actually know and am friends with in real life, except for Dave and charles, who i sought out and added on my friends list, b/c i thought they were Hot when i saw thier myspace pics.
• 14. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be?i'd have been smarter with the student loans, and borrowed only what i actually needed. i'd have stuck with the clarinet when i was 10, even tho i hated it, b/c i couldve eventually switched to sax. i'd take back the time i cursed at my mom, even tho i really did mean it, but still. when asked if i would come to LBC or if he should come here, i'd choose to go there and satisfied carnal needs and curiosity. i'd take back messing around w/that young one, b/c dayum he was too young. i dont know how, but i wouldve been more gentle w/ending my last relationship or maybe wouldve gotten to know each other better first, so that i'd have seen we werent compatable inthe first place & never wouldve started. i wouldve taken tons of pictures of me and joche when we danced together bk in the day, b/c we was fierce. and maybe i'd have re-thunk cutting off all my hair before i did it... 7 years of locks gone like *snap* Ah hell, some people say cucumbers taste better pickled.
• 16. Ever had a near death experience ?every summer when i was a kid, i'd nearly drown at the beach b/c i couldnt swim, but would always go into the water up to my shoulders. i can sort of swim now, i took a class while in college. i can float at least. and im not afraid of the water anymore. well, i guess i wasnt to begin with since i kept almost drowning.
• 17. Name ONE obvious quality you have.fabulous hair, duh.
• 18. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?GO! by Tones on Tail.
• 19. Are you happy today?yes. got lots of sleep, got hired at a second job, went to the gym, was on time for work, husband packed the lunch for me. he's so sweet.
• 20. Who will cut and paste this first?dunno.
• 21. What's your middle name?it was rae, after my godfather raymond cooper. it's now alemu, b/c i took my husbands middle and last name. i didnt have to, i just liked the way it looked and sounded.

angry sha

the good thing about keeping a journal on good old fashioned pencil and notebook is the "travelocity" of it, you can take it anywhere and write when the feeling hits, the anger demands, the rage ensues, etc. i am much calmer now.
i feel like i am the kindest most giving person. you do things for people, do favors, not bc you expect something in return, you do them b/c you want to. favors and apologies are like presents, you give them and youre not supposed to expect to get anything back. but goddamn that people dont see how much you do and then ask for more. this stupid friend of mine.

i spent the drive home yelling at the empty passenger seat, saying the things i wanted to say to B__. shannon, can you pick me up, shannon, i need a ride, shannon, i have class at 7 can you help. this fucker lives in chula vista and works in eastlake, his class is in mission valley. not an outrageous distance, but its a stroll and gas is 3 muther fucking dollars a gallon.

(see, my calmness has taken away some of the anger, b/c now i sit here telling myself that my friend would offer gas money if he could, he works full time just like me, but makes much less money and has trouble getting by as it is... i can afford to be a little self-less and help a brotha out...)

but wait, no, i dont make a lot of money either dammit. and i hate the way im ASKED to help. calling up with, "oh, so what are you doing on such and such day?" only to be followed with, "i need a ride." shit. like youre being tricked.

(calmness comes and i know that i am blessed that i have a vehicle, i can go anywhere i want at anytime and this is a luxury, and really shouldnt i share it if i can...)

this is the second week, the 6th day, i've gone to pick this fucker up in eastlake, and up to mission valley. and its not like i have nothing to do, fucker. case in point, TODAY. i went to work last night, clocking in at 9:45pm. i got off work at 8:15am, but had to stay for a staff meeting, so i didnt get to leave until 10:15am. from there i go to the gym, but it is closed due to sewage problems so i didnt get to work out. *thats two things not going my way today, having to stay past my shift and not getting to work out... i need those endorphins...* so i come home, it's after 11am. my husband on paper is there and he has made breakfast for me, bless him, and i eat and go through some paperwork, some mail, make some calls, and i get in bed to sleep at around 1pm. i wake up at 3 muther fucking 45pm to go pick up B__ in chula vista. i leave my place at 4pm to drive down to pick him up at 5, i need this hour b/c of the traffic. from there i take him home to freshen up, then to his class.

the phone is ringing. i am off to give B__ another ride. *sigh* point is, i got to sleep for 2 hours only, and it has been this way for days. im angry about it. i shouldnt have to be so deprived. it makes me fall asleep at work and i hate that. i have to be at work at 9:45 tonight, ass.

• your name: nisha
• Where did we meet: rubio's
• Take a stab at my middle name: shit, ion know
• Do I believe in God: yeah
• How long have you known me: long enough
• Do I smoke: nope
• What was your first impression of me upon meeting: i thought: "she got some pretty eyes." i also thought that you were very intelligent, well-spoken and i was impressed with the fact that you had been to africa THREE times!! i also thought that you were really gettin' with them damn tacos and didn't give a damn, which was funny and cool to me.
• Color of my eyes: beautifully brown
• Do I have any siblings: brother, will smith
• What's one of my favorite things to do: have sex, eat, read, cultivate your friendships, travel, meet new friends, give things away, creat via innovative artwork and various crafts, learn, share, and just be.
• Do you remember one of the first things I said to you: hello
• What's my favorite type of music: hip hop, r&b, old school
• What is the best feature about me: your huge heart, your kind spirit, your laugh (i love your laugh), and your genuinness. most ppl are full of old, putrid shit. not you. i LOVE that about you. i can always trust what you tell me w/o having to wonder if it's bullshit. and your healthy self concept despite the things you've endured growing up and as an adult. you're so fuckin' cool, s!! i mean that.
• Am I shy or outgoing: you are as outgoing as you allow yourself to be depending on how you feel at the time.
• Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: depends on whether or not it's an issue of fighting for what you belive in. if so, then you can be quite the rebel. otherwise, you follow the rules.
• What's you favorite memory of me: giiiiiiirl, that one time at the philipino restuarant . . . i still think about that shit and laugh out loud sometimes forreal!!!
• Any special talents: your artistic abilities are very impressive to me
• Would you consider me a friend: shit, i'm closer to you than i am to my own blood sister AND mother . . . YOU ARE INDEED ONE OF THE BEST!!!!!