how i feel about my job

these last few days at work... im so sad when im there. i think about just leaving, quitting. calculate in my head how long i can live off my meager savings if i had no job. theres always always more people than there is help.

a woman will call me and she has her 3,4,5,6 children with her and she's homeless and has no where to go & ive no where to send her. i think in my mind, maybe its like a prayer even tho im not religious, im hoping and wishing her daughters grow up to make better choices than thier mom did, and that her sons grow up to be better fathers than thier own.

i've drawn away from everyone, i hardly anwer my home or mobile phone, i dont to talk to anybody. i was driving home, talking on my mobile phone to one of the men im dating, and he teased that he could fix my sadness (which i did not tell him about, but he heard it in my voice, felt my vibe). i told him i was going home. he said he'd be by in a minute, and i said no. "you dont want me to come over and hold you?" and the thought, the gesture, made me so much sadder. i told him im fine & he hung up annoyed that i was lying and i sat there in my car and cried.

i fear my supervisor will be wanting to meet with me soon, let me know how sparse my paperwork is, that my intakes dont have enough detail, and they dont, i have no arguement. ive simply stopped asking so many questions from the callers, i get the most base simple information possible and refer them somewhere, i guess b/c i already personalize everyone so much, i dont want to know anything about thier situation. i keep taking that shit home with me.
the other day i was in the company of another man im dating and he kept asking why i was so quiet. i was wondering to myself why i'd agreed to hang out with him that day, i didnt want any company. we lay, i was reading a book, him The Reader, and really he only picked up the reader b/c i had been sitting there reading for a while saying nothing."seems like youre reading to avoid something," he says. he puts him arms around me, my face was turned away from his and warm tears flowed from me, i got up & left the room to gather myself.